Best opening for a movie review in a while:
The characters in this movie should be arrested for loitering with intent to moan. Never have teenagers been in greater need of a jump-start. Granted some of them are more than 100 years old, but still: their charisma is by Madame Tussaud.
Still not as good as the old Bloom County line "This movie does for film what Jonestown did for Kool-Aid.", but up there.