Alfredo

So I was making fetuccini alfredo for dinner tonight, and I started off with
a mirepoix again.

A bit later when I was using my immersion blender to smooth things out, I
luckily came to the realization that with the amount of heavy cream I use in
my alfredo sauce, I should probably be cautious not to make whipped cream.

For what it's worth, the sauce came out a bit too thick tonight, but it
evens out some of the overly-thin sauces of the past.

I really ought start measuring ingredients instead of eyeballing it. Or
following a recipe.

Box Lunch Nerdery, end of week summary

I ended up packing lunches for the both of us for the better part of the
week.

Amanda, after some badgering, seems to agree that her energy levels have
been better (after several weeks of lethargy), so maybe that metabolism
thing is fighting on my side.

As for me, one of my cow-orkers conned me into eating at the cafeteria on
wednesday, and I surmised later that day that I think I've already lost my
resistance to that slop. (The BBQ Bacon Cheeseburger haunted me for the rest
of the day. And night. And part of the next morning.)

Forgot to pack a lunch today, figuring it was usual cow-orker goin' out to
lunch friday, but ended up not going. Got a slice of half-assed pizza that
hasn't troubled me much, but I will note that the portioning was kept under
better control this time (I suspect that only 1/3 of today's lunch had at
one point or another been deep-fried)

I can't shake the horribly-domesticated feeling, but I might learn to live
with it.

Box Lunch Nerdery!

Me being the big loser that I am, I packed Amanda a lunch for tomorrow.

On the menu:
Macadamia Nut/Cashew Butter (Trader Joe's. No surprise) and Strawberry
Preserve sandwich.
Pirates' Booty (a puffed something or other with cheese flavoring agent
#214.)
String Cheese
Peach Calpico (Calpico is a japanese soft drink, best described as horchata
(the world's second favorite non-dairy rice drink (after Sake) meets
Lemon-Lime soda. I presume this version has a peach vent. Amanda bought it
at some point, and it's been languishing in the fridge. This whole
lunch-making thing might turn out to be the secret weapon in destocking some
of the current low-temperature inventory)

And as a mid-shift snack, baby carrots and ranch dip.

As this is something I've not done before, I left some strategic post-it
notes suggesting to check the fridge.

Hoping it is appreciated.....

-transiit

p.s. Alright, so I can't get away without brain-dumping some ideas:
Presumably, if the both of us can re-arrange our caloric intake to be
earlier in the day, the benefits are legion. First, light lunch foods (i.e.,
sandwiches and whatnot) are both more wallet-friendly as well as
human-friendly (at least as compared to the fried food bonanza that oft
presents itself to Amanda or the "We think it's still edible" cornucopia
that the vomitariam...er....cafeteria.......at my work serves. For me, the
daily special + soda costs between 5.65 and 6.20. Comparitively, PB&J+string
cheese+chips (bread: 0.89/10 * 2 = 0.17. Jar o' nut butter = 2.50 / 15 =
0.16. Preserved fruit = 2.00 / 10 = 0.20. String Cheese = 0.33. Chips or
chiplike items = 3.00 / 15 = 0.20) is a little over a dollar, even an
inflated 1.25 vending machine soda only gives a total of ~2.25. Still a
bunch cheaper, and this is with the semi-fancy stuff. (the
clearly-intended-to-be-stir-fried-vegatbles-but-we-steamed-them-within-an-inch-of-their-(and
your)-life-anyway that come with the vomitorium's chinese special plate
suggest that even the simplest of blue-collar box lunches are still of
higher quality.

This doesn't even account for the possibility that by amortizing the daily
caloric intake through the day will not only be healthier than my current
post-dusk binge, but also that the comparitively more-expensive dinner
portions can potentially be smaller (leftovers can even be spread to further
lunchery, yo.)

Granted, I already have so much end-of-night routine (check stove. check
doors. check lights. check stove again. go out and check cars. check doors.
etc. etc. etc.), adding in the couple minutes to pack a lunch for the both
of us is a marginal addition. Depending on how today's test fire goes, we'll
see what becomes.

Thanksgiving 2005: The Revenge - Of the leftovers

So Amanda's got a cold, and I've still got way too many leftovers (some have
been sent to live in exile in the freezer), so I'm making turkey noodle
soup.

Started off by sweating a mirepoix (that's equal parts diced carrot, onion,
and celery, you uncultured swine!) in some olive oil and kosher salt. Dusted
it with a bit of flour and then broke up a fair amount of white meat.
Stirred until the meat was at temperature.

Figuring some gelatinous goodness wouldn't be so bad, I dumped in a little
leftover gravy and then added a quart each of chicken stock and vegetable
stock. Threw in a couple bay leaves, some rosemary, salt and pepper and it's
currently simmering on the stove, covered over low heat.

In about 15-20 minutes, I'm going to dump in a couple cups of egg noodles
and recover, simmering again until the noodles soften up.

And then, I'm probably going to eat it.

Thanksgiving 2005: The Revenge - Final

2 days.
14 hours of cooking.
30 minutes of eating
1 hour of cleanup.

Verdict was that there were no specific faults this year.

Stick a fork in me. I'm done.

Thanksgiving 2005: The Revenge - Turkefaction, Phase 3

So the alarm finally went off with what I considered a trustworthy reading,
so I pulled it at 161.

After a brief fight getting it out of the pan, the turkey went into
hibernation for its half-hour nap:



At this point, things get vague. A lot of stuff happened, but very little of
it is too fantabulous. Made stuffing from a mix. I got the green bean
casserole (just like the Campbell's Food Scientists used to make!) and the
potatoes into the oven. Prepped some prefab dinner rolls for the oven.

As for the gravy angle, I removed the apple and onion bits, as well as any
weird bits of turkey still hanging on, smashed up the garlic with the back
of a fork, and deglazed the pan with some wine and added some chicken broth.
Thickened it with a corn starch slurry. Huzzah.

Around the time of topping off the potatoes, it was noted that there was a
crucial step missed. In damage control mode, I poured about a cup of milk
over things and stirred them a bit to integrate them better. Topped it off
with the cornflakes and butter and ended up going about 12 minutes longer
than previously expected.

Thanksgiving 2005: The Revenge - Turkefaction, Phase 2

So right after the timer went off, Amanda called and said she would probably
be home at a different time than I expected. Oh well, trudge merrily along,
stalwart soldiers of the kitchen.

So at the beginning of phase 2, here's where we're at:



Note that we've got the beginnings of some browning. Good stuff. Time to put
the heat sheilding on, and insert the meat thermometer (I gots one of them
digital ones) into the thickest part of the breast. Avoid hitting bones or
going all the way through.

About halfway through phase 2, I sacrifice some oven temperature for getting
the pseudo-stuffing out of there. Grab a fork and pull it all out.



I like to pull the apples and one of the onion quarters out and put them
back in the roasting pan (not the turkey). Break up the onion a bit. This is
just adding to the once and future gravy (and for this reason alone is why I
toss the lemons.)

Just for laughs, I clocked this stuff at 110 degrees. This is why I don't
stuff the bird. It's just too much hassle to get everything to finish
together.

Anyhow, let's see how things are looking:


Yup. Gotta clean the oven.

Now ultimately, you shouldn't remove the probe until after the bird has had
a rest, but the alarm went off and I had doubts, so I took my chances at
having a moisture pump and reinserted it. 11 degree difference. D'oh!

So it's back in.

When the alarm goes off again, we'll be moving along to Phase 3: Hibernation

Thanksgiving 2005: The Revenge - Turkefaction, Phase 1

Alright, so I'm starting to feel a little cramped for time. Better get
moving on the hot turkey action.

First off, the plan is to treat raw poultry as poison, along with anything
that touches it. So I do as much prep work before the bird enters the
picture.

So that aside, let's talk about stuffing. I like it. I just don't like it in
the bird. But I do something with that gaping cavity:

If the mood lighting is too rough, that'd be an apple, a lemon, an onion,
and garlic.

For preparation, I like to cut the apple and the lemon in about 8 equal
sized chunks, and quarter the onion. I peel all the garlic, reserving a few
of the irregular pieces:


The rest of the garlic goes in the roasting pan. I like to make a little
design, but ultimately, I put the bird right on top of this, so a little bit
of uniformity is nice.



Everything else gets dumped in a bowl with a few tablespoons of water and
microwaved for a minute and a half. Sure, this does make them a little more
uncomfortable to deal with, but even though I never plan on eating this
stuff, I don't want them to be microbe sponges either.

As for the rest, I like to get about a tablespoon or so of softened butter
ready, about 4 sprigs of rosemary, and chop the remaining garlic.

Now for the bird. Once I pull it from the brine, I give it a quick rinse and
inspect it to make sure I got rid of any allspice or peppercorns that got
stuck in it. Into the roasting pan, squarely on top of the garlic. I
typically fold the wings underneath.

In about equal proportions, put as many apple, lemon and onion chunks inside
as will loosely fit. Don't pack it in.

Start working the skin over the breasts and break the membranes holding it
to the meat. Once you can get in there, stash a sprig of rosemary, some
butter and some chopped garlic in both sides. Remember, the skin is
watertight, so anything that can be put in underneath it is going to
actually add some flavor.

Wash hands. Set oven to 500 degrees. In that order.

So the downside of putting things under the skin is it makes a slightly less
aesthetic turkey:


That's alright by me.

Last step before it goes in is to make some heat shielding for it. This
isn't going to go on just yet, but it's a lot easier to form it when the
bird is still cold. The idea is to get the white meat covered, as it's going
to be done before the dark meat.


Don't bother with the thermometer yet.

Once the oven is up to 500, turn down the heat to 350 and throw the pan in.
Let it roast for about 20-30 minutes. This is about browning, and it's a lot
easier to get it done now than later when you're at the edge of doneness.

When the timer goes off, it's time to move to phase 2.

Thanksgiving 2005: The Revenge - 3.141592654...

So after last year's pie debacle, I made sure to check three or four
versions of the recipe, and I'm trying again.

1 cup pumpkin puree
1 cup evaporated milk
1/2 cup biscuit making mix
1/2 cup sugar
1 T butter
1/2t Pumpkin Pie Spice
1t Vanilla
2 eggs

Combine in a mixing bowl.

Really makes you think of the holidays, don't it?

Stir until smooth


Better?
or Worse?

Pour this into a greased 9" pie dish and bake at 350 for 35-40 minutes

I would've put it in the fridge, but I'm completely out of space.

Thanksgiving 2005: The Revenge - Massacre at Potato Ridge

So the other day I confessed to making scalloped potatoes right out of a box
I'm not proud. But I can now reveal that I knew I'd be doing this, so I
figured I'd save myself some time then.

I got this recipe from Amanda's mother, and I don't know if it's ever been
written down before, so some details might be a little hazy.

First, get some potatoes. I used 4 medium russets. If you don't precook them
at all, you're going to have either very crunchy potatoes or a very crunchy
sauce. So we're going to boil them. Don't bother peeling or anything, it
just wastes time.

So, be sure to inform your potatoes of their impending fate, and see if you
can't get anything out of them.


Talk, damn you!

One of the downsides of doing all this cooking alone is that I'm starting to
lose a bit of sanity.

Once those guys are fork-tender, take them out and let them cool down. Once
they're cool enough to touch, you can get those peels right off with a
gentle rub with a clean towel. Trust me, they want to come off.

Let them keep cooling, as they'll be a bit easier to slice cleanly when they
get closer to room temperature.

I made mine go through a police-style lineup after the boiling didn't give
any results.



"Number one, step forward!"
"Give me the keys, you...."
You get the idea.

In the meantime, mix up a cup of sour cream with a can of condensed cream of
chicken soup. Slice up a mess of green onions. Grate some cheddar cheese.
The "canonical" version of this recipe says you'll need about a cup of
cheese. Everyone uses more. I get a half-pound block and just grate the
whole thing.

Slice up your potatoes in about 1/4" slices. Butter (or spray) a casserole
dish and lay down the first bed of potatoes. I then sprinkle some green
onions on top of this, cover with the sour cream/soup mix and cover with
cheese. Keep layering until you run out of potatoes.

Partway through, this is what it's looking like:


I've now covered this and stashed it in the fridge. This is going to go into
a 350 degree oven until it's good and piping hot. Before it's quite done,
this gets covered in cornflakes and some melted butter, so don't worry if it
isn't pretty right now.

Be aware that there is probably nothing healthy about this dish. It does
taste good, though. I'm tempted to submit it to Cooking Light just to see
what happens. The rejection letter could be pure comedy gold.

UPDATE: Apparently there was some crucial step I missed. I'm not sure
exactly what it was. I fixed it by pouring about a cup of milk over the mass
and stirring a bit to integrate.