Something to Say #6

"First I went South, then I went East, then I went West, and finally North. Get it?"
"You might want to re-think that one, Captain Dyslexia. You just got SEWN."
Fuck it. Let's talk up some news.

Tony "Stop asking such hard questions, I'm terminal!" Snow has cancer. Can't think up anything witty to say about that.

The Senate is still for pulling out of Iraq. If the after-school specials taught me anything, pulling out is a risky proposition. Next time we want to go fuck something up, I say we use condoms.

Through the magic of genetics, we now have sheep that are part human. I'm troubled by this, as lamb is one of my favorite meats ("Them's be cute and tasty!"), and it calls into question on of my finest culinary inventions, the "Lamburger Helper" (For the record, it was Southwestern style. Zesty!) Somehow, this sort of GM innovation just makes me think "Manburger Helper", and that's just sad. Couldn't they have stuck with the old method: "More organs makes me more human."

Hey, speaking of sheep, this article turns out to be quite the commentary conundrum.

1. Let's start with the URL. Sheep neglect, huh?
2. "He lives upstairs and the sheep were living downstairs,"
3. "...wandered away from a suburban North Carolina home to graze on floral arrangements in the town cemetery."
   

Oh, just go read it. The going's gone weird. I think the winner is the contrast between the last two sentences.

Industry is giving us the testosterone patch as an aid for boosting the sex drive of women. All I'm saying is "Let the pranks begin!"

And if anyone's keeping track, Sex is totally being beaten down by Death on Google News. (And no, sheep wasn't even remotely close)