Why I don't subscribe to my local newspaper.

Here's a good example, food reviews:

Here lies their top picks for chicken places

Number 1: National fast-food chain.
Number 2: Different national fast-food chain.
Number 3: Local tourist trap.

With the bonus "Hidden Gem" being the only local establishment they mention.

How did I find this article? I drove by the "Hidden Gem" place today and wanted to make a joke about its obscurity.

So when I went searching, I found said article, with the opening line for the section being "The saying 'As American as apple pie' also applies to chicken pie, according to Otto Hasselbarth, owner of La Palma Chicken Pie Shop."

I'm terribly sorry, but if you want me to pay for this pablum, you'll have to do better. (yes, thank you so very much for sending me junk mail over the years, calling me up on the phone, or if not sending people directly to my door, sponsoring half-assed "achievement" programs encouraging everyone and their dog to ignore the big "no soliciting" signs posted around the place to come knocking anyhow...)

Don't get me wrong, one of my pet peeves is when people have an overdeveloped sense of entitlement. But on the other hand, if there's an indication of "no soliciting", perhaps I'm not going to be receptive to your special brand of bullshit, and I'm not going to be receptive to the heart-rending stories of how you're a high-school student (*cough* runaway *cough*) that's looking to sell newspaper subscriptions to earn a college scholarship.

Heartless, you say?

I am a smoker. I do not smoke inside my apartment, and I walk out to somewhere away from everyone's air conditioners and whatnot to not be "that jerk."

This means I get to see a bit more of my apartment community than the average shut-in.

And get asked, with some regularity, by the van-drivers and handlers, "Hey, have you seen some kids selling newspapers, they should've been around here by now."

In fairness to the local rag, sometimes they ask me about kids selling magazine subscriptions.

I started wanting to make a joke about how out of touch the local newspaper is...well, maybe the thinking about it revealed their distance from reality in a few different ways.